Good evening blogging world,
I am a terrible excuse for a committed human being. Really, I'm a pretty terrible excuse for a human being altogether, at least right now. I'm losing steam, my friends. Losing juice.
Being compassionate is hard work! Always trying to redirect your mindset into being positive, caring, selfless, and trusting makes for a lot of heartache and exhaustion. And as the steam fades away, you're left weak and defenseless, allowing the pettiness, jealousy, and desolation to seep in.
That's me right now. I wish it wasn't so. But circumstances surrounding me are dragging me down. I get so hopeful and optimistic about everything, but I have no one to share it with. I like to stay busy, be creative, have fun, but I have no one to share it with. I feel as though everyone else is so gosh darn happy all the time, and while I try to fake it until I make it, I'm not quite there with them.
I toyed briefly with the idea of being bitter about it. Getting angry. Giving in to the horrible desolation that is slowly growing in my heart right now. But that would be surrendering, and I feel as though I'm bigger than that. Our message in church a few days ago was that God loves us, more than anything. So I will focus on that instead. I will pray, turn to Him for guidance, patience, serenity.
I know that He knows what's best for me. I just have to find it within myself, with His help of course, to keep on trekking.
Much love, always.
