Take Me for What I Am

My blog post tonight is totally random but something that's been on my mind today...for whatever reason. Forgive me. My brain isn't always the most sensible place to be. It's been sleep deprived last week and this week almost on sleep overload. I've had sentences flowing through my head today on what I wanted to say in this post, but now I'm growing tired after going to see Spiderman: Homecoming with my family. But I digress.

Body shaming.

In today's society, one ruled by social media and instant gratification, body shaming is everywhere. My naivete keeps me safe from most of it, but it surprises me when I hear about the things that human beings will say to each other.

I use the phrase body shaming intentionally. I imagine just about anyone hears the phrase and they immediately jump to obesity and "don't you mean fat shaming?" Don't get me wrong, fat shaming is disgraceful, but today I want to touch on the idea that thin people can be hurt too.

Over the years, I've had a lot of people tease me for being too skinny. "What are you talking about you shouldn't eat that cookie, you're so thin!" Or comparing me to them. Or telling people behind your back that "she's the skinniest one in the room, I hate her!" I've gotten so used to it, it doesn't bother me at all anymore. I usually retaliate with "I'm what they call a skinny fat girl...my metabolism is good but my health habits aren't."

And it's true! I'm incredibly lazy, I don't exercise, and I don't diet right.

I wish the people around me could see inside my head, feel what I feel every day. Sure, on the outside, I weigh 112 pounds, but the things that go on inside me look like this...

I have acne everywhere.
My eyes are too slanty.
My posture is terrible.
I wish my boobs were a size smaller.
I feel weird walking in heels; I feel like I'm too tall.
My hair is so frizzy.
My eyebrows are too bushy.
Everyone can see my chin hair.
I wish I had more curves so I'd look as good as them in clothes.
I can't wear makeup; it would make me look weird.

I've always considered myself ugly. In recent years, I've come to feel more confident, thanks to my husband, and grown to accept myself for who I am. I can't change it and God created me that way for a reason. But it doesn't make the voices inside go away. I'm a plain Jane. It's just who I am. I will always envy other girls' curves, or eyes, or facial features, or flawless skin, or height, or just their personality.

I think when you're thin, people just assume that if they could look like you, they'd be happy. But coming from someone who could eat McDonald's every day for a year and maybe gain ten pounds, it isn't just about being thin. Overweight people always talk about accepting who they are and being confident and strong. What some people don't understand is that this philosophy applies to everyone, not just those that are blessed with more curves.

God made you WHO YOU ARE for a reason, looks and all. If you can accept that and accept that He thinks you're stunning no matter what, that is the key to beauty.

Update

I owe anyone who happens to read this an update and an attitude adjustment.

I've come to realize that I've turned this darn blog into a diary again and I said I wasn't going to do that. At least not to the point where I'm making long rambling posts about my feelings.

That being said...

The last few weeks have been insane. We ended up buying the house. So we're eyeballs deep in the process of packing, trying to sell our house, planning, budgeting, dreaming... We close at the end of July.

Eek!

I'll post some more "exciting" things soon but I'm running on 5 hours of sleep after some long shifts so a little more relax time and then bed.

Much love.