I'm Sorry

I hate everything about the way my life is right now.

Work sucks. We have minimal staff, no appreciation, gratitude, or care from our administration, and things aren't family-oriented and fun anymore. I'm working doubles, not taking breaks, and trying to partake in 3 different roles most nights. We have patients and staff alike that are leaving because they don't feel like things are adequate. Thank God in heaven that I have some great colleagues that make it tolerable. Last night was the first good night in a long time...and I laughed. I forgot what that felt like at work.

I suck. Apparently I am a spectacularly crappy friend. Nobody answers me when I try to set something up. Nobody (except the one) talks to me or tries to do anything with me. I told Luke last night that I might just become an alcoholic and do shit on my own because being shot down repeatedly hurts my heart and my bones and maybe, just maybe, wine would numb the pain.

Home sucks. At least that's not anybody's fault. Except maybe my own. Luke works and studies and has minimal time for little else. Charley just keeps finding new ways to make my life miserable. She's cute, so I forgive her almost immediately, but when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, she's sort of inconvenient.

My soul sucks. It hurts. It's sucking me dry. It's so dark in there right now that I don't know how to fix it. The only way I find sanity is by watching tv and draining my mind of all things involving my life. I've been trying so hard to stay positive, but each day I feel like I'm creeping lower and lower.

I'm lost guys. I'll keep working on it. It's just hard doing it alone.